peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
