I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
