you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We are two peas in an std pod
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
