so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
