I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
