Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
