so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
