Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
