just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
