i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
