We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
