She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
