And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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