I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
