and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
