my sisters under your porch take her home
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Damn victory sex feels great
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
