Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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