Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
