And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
