I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
