I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
