No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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