So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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