Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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