I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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