Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to make out with him forever
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
