did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i already hear my dad disowning me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
