I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
