You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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