I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
