i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
