i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
