Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
