he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
