im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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