I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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