Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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