We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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