Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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