I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
