I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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