I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
