Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
