So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
