hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He felt like a one man threesome
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
