You made me cry and you don't even care
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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