i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
