No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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