I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
