he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
