Yo dont text me then not text me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
